Perfecting Imperfection

I don't like to toot my own horn. It is extremely uncomfortable and unnatural for me to seek attention. But because I have what my husband refers to as the "curse of competence" I tend to be perceived as being "perfect" at a lot of things. Whether it's with my job, my crafting, or my ability to organize things.

What folks tend not to realize though is that putting this kind of pressure on others, whether or not they are neurodivergent, can be very damaging. Inevitably, you are going to make a mistake. You are going to have an off day or get overwhelmed because once people see you this way they tend of add things to your load because everything else beforehand seemed so effortless for you. Nothing could be farther from the truth though.

In my lived experience, the pressure of being perceived as perfect means that I can never make a mistake. Mostly because when I do the reaction that I get is that something must be seriously wrong. It also seems like others who might not be as cognizant of what they're doing all the time might make more errors more frequently. It's more expected. Whereas for me, it comes as a surprise that I'm not constantly at the top of my game.

Part of this perceived perfection I feel like comes from the fact that I do have an above average to well above average level of intelligence. Also, my autistic brain allows me to pick up on differences and patterns much quicker than the majority of people. I also tend to deep dive on things that interest me like organizational systems, which could very well feed into this illusion. I'm also a known perfectionist, to the point where I will get myself into a dysregulated state if I'm not able to manage it properly.

I'm also a recovering people pleaser. Plenty of people, medical professionals included, tried to tell me that I just needed to not care how others perceived my actions and that I didn't have to explain myself all the time. I however am the kind of Empath who will feel physically ill when I upset or think that I've upset anyone. My perception of others reactions is also skewed by the fact that I'm not always sure what their reaction means. Then, when I ask if I did something wrong they get upset all over again because they say I didn't do anything wrong. But then if I didn't, why do you seem upset? Anyone else hearing circus music?

But, I digress. In attempting to perfect the art of imperfection these are the things that I am trying to no longer do:

1. ask if I did or said something wrong

2. over explaining myself when I do make a mistake

3. embrace the imperfect things in the world around me

I'd love to know though. If you struggle with perfectionism, what are your coping mechanisms?

Thank you for visiting, fellow Muser! I hope you have a wonderfully creative and peaceful day! 🤗✨️💛